oh hay thar

congratulations for me, please. akhirnya saya menjadi seorang mahasiswa :)

ya, mahasiswa. bukan lagi seorang siswa yang hanya bisa disuapi ataupun dicekoki oleh gurunya tentang suatu ilmu. sekarang aku harus bisa mencari ilmu sendiri, tidak lagi bergantung kepada orang lain. justru seharusnya aku sudah bisa menyuapi orang lain ilmu yang kumiliki.

seharusnya kan, tapi pada kenyataannya aku belum bisa.

sekarang, setelah aku menjadi mahasiswa di Universitas Indonesia (walaupun belum resmi, karena belum mengikuti upacara penyambutan mahasiswa baru), aku menyadari bahwa kekuranganku di bidang akademik itu sangat kurang.

tidak, aku tidak membicarakan tentang nilai. nilaiku saat lulus SMA cukup baik (47.45 out of 60). yang aku bicarakan adalah tentang isi yang ada di dalam otakku.

setelah mengikuti beberapa sesi OBM (orientasi belajar mahasiswa), aku menyadari bahwa pemikiranku memang kurang dewasa untuk seumuranku. teman-teman yang ada di kelasku mayoritas lebih muda dariku, bisa 1-2 tahun, bahkan ada yang 3 tahun. dan aku menyadari bahwa aku masih kurang dibanding mereka.

dan aku juga menyadari bahwa aku itu sangatlah sombong. hanya dengan pemikiranku yang pas-pasan ini dulu aku selalu mengatakan bahwa pemikiranku dewasa.

mungkin iya, dulu pemikiranku sangat dewasa. bukannya aku mau menyombongkan diri (aku udah kapok, beneran) tapi, seingatku, aku sudah seperti ini dari kelas 4 SD. you know what they say, orang dianggap dewasa bukan dari umurnya, melainkan dari pengalaman dan pemikiran.

pada intinya, aku dapat mengatakan bahwa dulu aku dipaksa untuk berpikir dewasa sebelum waktunya, sehingga pemikiranku sejak saat dulu masih belum bertambah dewasa lagi. dewasa sebelum waktunya itu sama buruknya seperti tidak beranjak dewasa. karena menurutku, ending point-nya akan sama, yaitu di saat mereka seharusnya dewasa, pemikiran mereka akan tetap stuck di masa kanak-kanak. yang satu memang tidak tumbuh, sedangkan yang satunya lagi sedang beristirahat.

untuk sekarang, pendewasaanku sedang beristirahat. dan aku sedang mencari cara untuk mengakhiri sesi istirahat tersebut secepat mungkin.

hey mature mind, i miss you and i need you. come here soon or i could kill you
lol kidding ;)

cheers,
xxazrael

(x-posted to purpsy@tumblr)

HELL YEAH JAEBUM

who miss Park Jaebum? (ex-leader of 2pm)
I do

and this video (almost) made me cry of happiness.
HE'S ALIVE!!

quote

"just continue to place your trust in God completely, You just do your part and let God be God - He will turn things around as according to His timing, will & purpose"

Anthony Eusebio

i'm craving

I really want this camera )':
but somehow I can't find a place that sells the blue one..
even in amazon they only have the white one
(in other places only the white and hello kitty ones ]': )
please tell me if you find a guaranteed place that sells this camera
I'm saving my money only for this, no lie.

blah blah blah

discussed some things with abiella earlier today at school (it's still wednesday here, 'kay? :B)

kita ngomongin soal masalah sekolah segala macem. dan hal pertama yang gue inget banget gue bilang adalah bahwa 'murid itu merasa sekolah sebagai kewajiban dan bukannya hak'.

come to think about it, pasti orangtua kalian dari pas masih kecil kalo ngebangunin bilangnya "ayo bangun, sekolah" dengan nada menyuruh. menurut gue, hal itu aja udah menyebabkan anak berpikir "oh iya, harus sekolah ya" dan lama-kelamaan mereka akan berpikir "gue sekolah karena disuruh orangtua, bukan karena keinginan gue". correct me if i'm wrong. gue disini ga mau jadi orang yang sok tau, gue cuma mau nulis apa yang ada di pikiran gue.
coba dari kecil orangtua kalian bilangnya "ayo, kamu mau sekolah apa nggak?" pasti mindset kalian akan beda. kalian jadi dibebaskan untuk sekolah atau tidak, dan itu yang menimbulkan rasa tanggung jawab kalian untuk ke sekolah.

gue ga mau munafik, at times gue juga males banget yang namanya sekolah, tapi itu cuma kalo gue lagi capek, baik fisik maupun mental. gue emang sering bilang "ah niat sekolah gue nol besar" but that doesn't mean i really don't want to go to school. semales-malesnya gue sekolah, gue akan tetep masuk kalo gue bisa, karena itu hak gue.

coba dipikirin baik-baik deh. kalian itungannya sekolah udah bayar mahal-mahal tapi kalian ga masuk terus, buat apa kalian sekolah? lebih baik kalian mengundurkan diri dan uangnya itu untuk hal yang lain, let's say membiayai anak jalanan untuk sekolah? I'm just trying to say that there are lots of people out there who want to go to school like you but they can't, and you can go to school but you don't want to. it's such an irony :/

next thing: kemalasan itu bisa menular lho. coba kalian pagi-pagi ke sekolah udah riang gembira tiba-tiba JJANG temen kalian tampangnya bete semua. man, it sucks. pasti kalian nantinya bawaannya males aja sekolah. i'm wondering kalo misalnya males bisa gampang banget nular, kenapa rajin itu susah banget ditularin ya? another irony~

tadi gue sempet ngomong ke nyokap soal hal yang pertama (hak dan kewajiban) dan gue amazed banget, karena ternyata nyokap gue pemikirannya sama. dan buruknya adalah, gue baru sekarang nyadar kalo itu kenapa dulu gue kalo ketiduran suka didiemin. (karena kalo pas dibangunin gue suka ngigo ngomong 'nggaaak~' OTL)

i'm sleepy, should've gone to sleep. still have try out tomorrow. oh, and i think i'll stay in my grandma's house tomorrow, yay :D

cheers,
xxazrael

silly me

命天 says: (8:21:59 PM)
kalo gue nikah sama org korea namanya kim, anak gue akan gue namain kibum
命天 says: (8:22:05 PM)
siapa tau jd anak boyband juga
Anggya says: (8:22:59 PM)
Makin pasaran ntar artis namanya kibum
Anggya says: (8:23:11 PM)
Nicknamenya siapa ntar?
命天 says: (8:23:16 PM)
gapapa ntar ada group di FB namanya 'kim kibum united'
命天 says: (8:23:21 PM)
BUM BUM CAR

no kim kibums, I don't hate any of you. I love the three of you(s). it's just that I'm a bit insane today :/

my nose is a bit runny and I feel dizzy. feels like i'm going to catch fever soon. it's not that unusual, actually it happens rly often cuz i have this kind of body. but like what i've wrote on my previous post, i'll stay grateful to God :D

still have tryout tomorrow so i can't skip school. maybe will do at friday if i don't have remedial test, 'cause my body needs rest.

Good night reader, God blesses you

xxazrael

p.s: 命天 is me, it's my chinese name xD; yuppers, ming tian 8D

:D

I think I should feel more grateful about everything I've gone through and will went through. I believe that it's God's will that made me walk in the path I'm walking now, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I've been sulking too much about my weak body and so. But I must be grateful because there are many people with body weaker than mine. I sulked about my fatigue, about my tired-ness of going to school. But I must be grateful because there are many people who can't go to school even if they want to.

I think I'm lacking of spirit lately. And also the lack of motivation got to me. Nowadays, I was like, "C'mon Kenny, you can do better than this!" to myself each time I'm doing something -anything. Yet, I didn't try harder.

Okay, I'm rambling and I don't even know what I'm talking about atm.
Let's end this post with my dream :)

"I want to make a school in which my students will enjoy going to school, not burdened. And maybe I'll start with a Kindergarten because in Kindergarten, we build those toddlers to be good, and if we succeed, it'll be like the most honorable thing in this world"

cheers,
xxazrael

#LoveisUnity

#LoveisUnity because we are one. one family made by God who loves us all the same. -nikenny

New Living Translation (©2007)
We love each other because He loved us first. -1 John 4:19

I love you God

cheers,
xxazrael

piko-piko

oh yush i'm just random~

i know i haven't update much, it's just that i don't know what to post, so yeah~ haha

anyway, i've got a lover. maybe all of you already known that. yep, it's non other that my lovely gadgets~ say hello to my baby (laptop), haeby (phone), and minmin (ipod). no, that's a lie, i don't name them (except my laptop, which i really name baby HAHA) okay i'm rambling.

right now my brother is shouting at our servant, and should i say how much i hate it when he does that? yes, i really hate it. it's just that...how can i say it.. it seems like he doesn't know anything about fucking manners. yes, i'm cursing, and i don't curse much.

i don't know if i've blogged about this before, but I kinda despise my step siblings. they deserve it for everything. starting from manners and brain, they have like almost nothing. oh Holy Mother of FLYING PANCAKES my sister doesn't even know how to use ipod YET she bought one. and now? duh, she kept asking me how to put songs into itunes and i was just like "....."
MAAAN, I didn't need anyone to fucking teach me how to do that! even worse, she asked me how to download song from internet.

may I laugh? yes, sure. okay i'm laughing atm

I mean, HELLO she's a year older than me yet i'm MUCH MORE SMARTER than her (i'm not boasting, everyone knows that already). sometimes I think that she is brainless. or a lunatic. or both, yes.

imagine this: IF you have 2 little brothers who currently fighting, what will you do? pull them apart, yes?

what my sister did when it happened? she told them to continue it. yes, you read it right. she told them to continue it, even to hit each other.
oh dang, i don't believe that she even has a brain right after that happened HAHA

am I cruel? yes, sometimes.

oh dang, I'm rambling. i'm gonna stop now

keep it a secret from my sister please? she couldn't read this anyway, she doesn't understand english (or maybe that's an understatement)

cheers

xxazrael

heyyy

good night :D I just newly woke up (slept since... 4 pm and it's 8 pm right now) cuz last night i only slept for a good 3 hours and today tire me up. I went to my father's family gathering and it was boooring D: i didn't know anyone apart from my family and some of my father's family those i met in church, so i only played with my blackberry until i went home :p
as i got home, my mum told me that she got a free cake and that it had arrived earlier than us. it was a strawberry cheesecake, literally. not the usual strawberry cheesecake which only put the strawberries as topping, but it's in the cake as well! the cake is PINK no lie :D and delicious! thanks mum's highschool friend who's sooo kind to give us free delicious cake! I found out that she/he was the owner of the shop afterwards (it's The Cake Storage)
after eating i went to sleep without changing my clothes, only took off the cardigan, scarf, and leggings. and the picture up there was what i wore this full day (minus the leggings, i'm too lazy to wear it again just for pic) yay of nay? :b the scarf itself was a birthday present from the lovely sisters (mipup and bebek) though, and i love it<3>

funny thing i did today:
because we arrived at the gathering's place too early, we went to putt putt first to play golf for a while. after that when we were sitting on the cafe, eating ice cream, my brother (Dika) asked me, "let's play the game like that on the full house (suju)" and I laughed before reenacting it. and guess what? yes, we played it. me, my 2 brothers and my sister. me and dika were the winner! :D

guess i'm heading to sleep again now *laugh* oh no wait, i have to wash my face and change clothes first. so see ya~!

cheers
xxazrael

tugas

tugas gue udah mulai banyak. tugas ekonomi buat presentasi, tugas pkn buat kliping/rangkuman/whatever-it-is-i-dont-know, tugas agama buat makalah (lagi), tugas sosiologi buat penelitian sosial.

jujur, td saat gue cerita ke dessy (temen les gue), dia sampe kaget. dia sekolah di 28, dan dia udah ga mempelajari pelajaran kelas XII lagi, cuma pendalaman materi utk UAN sama SIMAK dll. lucu ga sih menurut lo? I mean, hey, UAN is in 54 days (abiella -my chairmate- counted it), and why don't we start study for it in school? bukannya ngejar nilai tugas gini

okay, gue nyadar gue kebanyakan protes, kalo misalnya saat semester 1 kmrn isinya tugas semua jg gue pasti protes walaupun akhirnya sekarang gue ga akan ada tugas! but let's get real, dengan waktu yang sangat singkat itu, umumnya para peserta ujian (including me) akan panik kan? apalagi dengan persiapan yang menurut kami ga cukup. belajar di bimbel dan di sekolah itu beda lho!

walaupun di bimbel udah pada intensif uan dll, tp menurut gue itu ga cukup. bimbel ga setiap hari, ga kayak di sekolah. gurunya jg kadang yg ga ngerti murid, ga kyk di sekolah. dan suasana di bimbel itu normalnya santai, ga menutup kemungkinan bahwa banyak di antara kita yg ga nangkep pelajarannya.

semua orang beda, ada yg menganggap bimbel lebih penting, tp ada jg yg sebaliknya, menganggap sekolah lebih penting. sebenarnya pada intinya, (menurut gue ya) sekolah itu untuk memberikan inti secara rinci tentang suatu subyek kepada murid, dan bimbel itu adalah untuk mengembangkan inti yang udah ditangkap itu agar lebih paham. jd sebenernya mereka sama-sama penting.

jujur, gue kalo soal sejarah dan sosiologi lebih ngerti di bimbel, tp kalo mtk dan geografi gue jauh milih yang di sekolah. jumlah ilmu yg dimiliki oleh setiap guru itu beda, dan gue menganggap guru mtk dan geografi gue ilmunya sangat banyak, dengan tidak mengurangi rasa hormat gue ke guru-guru lainnya krn mereka juga pasti banyak ilmunya (kecuali untuk beberapa guru. tau lah anak-anak 6 kira-kira guru yg agak gimanaa gitu)

okay, setelah panjang lebar, gue malah lupa mau ngomong apa kan. pokoknya intinya, gue berharap semoga KBM normal di SMA 6 segera berakhir agar kita bisa intensif untuk ke UAN dan ujian masuk perguruan tinggi yg diinginkan (mostly UI ITB UNPAD UGM maybe yea?)

oh iya, gue salut sama SMA 109! mereka punya program namanya 'arisan' dan itu adalah mengerjakan soal mtk yg jumlahnya banyak mamfus. menurut gue itu penting, mengingat bahwa kelemahan anak IPS baik di UAN maupun di ujian masuk PTN adalah matematika.

cheers

xxazrael

so, today...

sesuai tweet gue td yg ngomongin soal 'orang cina pasti bangga menjadi orang cina' dan gue is ngakak mendengar kata-kata itu. alasannya?

gue cina, dan gue mengakui itu. dan somehow gue bangga, tp satu hal: gue ga diakui sebagai orang cina. and I mean it.

nyokap gue turunan cina, itu keliatan. dia putih, sipit, kalo ke mangdu dipanggilnya nci, dirumah juga dipanggilnya i'ing. abang gue juga sipit walaupun ga terlalu putih. eyang gue juga sering dipanggil nci. nah gue? temen nyokap gue aja ngeliat gue pake nanya, "anak lo kok ga cina, ir?" -____-

orang-orang mengakui gue sama nyokap gue mirip (but srsly, nyokap jauuh lebih mirip sama mas dis dibanding gue), tapi mereka juga mengakui gue ga ada cina-cinanya.

bukannya gue ga bangga jd org indo, gue bangga jd org indo, srsly. tp gue cuma kesel aja krn cuma gue yg beda di keluarga gue. hey, coba lo liat sodara gue, dikit lho yg ga cina kyk gue! (*counts: mas vicky, mas dana, mas wijna, dimas* okay, that's 5 with me, out of 11) pasti mereka ada lah sipit-sipitnya walaupun dikit. gue? sipitnya cuma pas bangun tidur doang *srsly*

gue cuma pingin diakuin mirip sama keluarga gue, gue cuma pingin merasa, hey, i belong here in this family. soalnya gue kadang merasa kyk org luar juga, bukan cuma krn gue ga keliatan sipitnya ya, i'm not that shallow.

oh well, itu juga sih sebenernya kenapa gue mau nyari pacar chinese/korean/japanese. maaan, gue mau melanjutkan keturunan cina di keluarga gue ROFLMAO haha makanya cariin ya ciiin kalo ada lol

i'm out ;D

xxazrael